Just cropdusted the office
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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