***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
