im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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