I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
