So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
