I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
my poor anus
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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