RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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