Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
third nipple confirmed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
