threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
