their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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