I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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