Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
