So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize