I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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