come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
