ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
