Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
