We're facebook friends in real life
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
