If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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