i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
