I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
