I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
