She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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