just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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