She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
