youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
