remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Randomize
