fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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