It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize