Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
