I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's like heaven, but drunker
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
