I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
