omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
