you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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