dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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