i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
