Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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