So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
