I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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