went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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