How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
