why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
