And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
