matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I could make wine with my vomit
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
