I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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