ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
