i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
