Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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