Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
