dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
