did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
