Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
