I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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