I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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