I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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