Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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