I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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