So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize