so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
