Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
