I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize