i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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