so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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