some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
