I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
