I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
