Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
