Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
