So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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