Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
