i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
