Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
