Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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