dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
