So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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