you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
