Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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