Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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